Underneath It All Read online

“WEDDING PLANS?”

  Nicole stared at the television in her office, still not believing what she’d seen.

  “So Devon’s been telling friends he’s found the one,” Penny repeated. “That’s so romantic!”

  Nicole frowned. This was not romantic at all. This was insane. They’d barely dated a month, Devon barely knew her. How could he jump to the conclusion she was the one, especially after confiding in him how messed up she was over her adoption? He should understand she was in no mental state for anything serious.

  Eve stepped over and shut off the tape. “Clearly, someone told her you’ve been spotted at the bridal shops.”

  “For the TV show! My God, I’ve been to a couple porn stores for our segment on sex toys, too. What’s she going to say about tha—” Nicole stopped and groaned as that thought sunk in. “Oh, I so don’t need this.”

  “C’mon Nicky. We’ve all been in the spotlight for a while now. We should be getting used to it. Reporters are going to say what they’re going to say. You’ve got to brush it off,” Eve said.

  It wasn’t the reporters she was annoyed with, it was Devon. Was he really taking their relationship this seriously? Had he actually gone around town telling people he’d found the woman he was going to marry?

  How could he do such a thing?

  “I don’t know why you’re so put off by all this,” Penny said. “The man’s rich and gorgeous and he treats you like a queen. Now he wants to marry you? How good can life get?”

  Penny’s summary heightened the ache in Nicole’s head. She hadn’t come to Atlanta to find a husband. She’d come here to get her head on straight, which was all the more reason why she needed to keep her love life from getting serious. She may be the new girl on the show, but she’d been around Just Between Us long enough to see that the worst thing a person can do is fall in love for the wrong reasons. They’d done dozens of shows on the subject and she’d interviewed countless men and women stuck in a relationship they’d ventured into because their mate had come along at a time when they were vulnerable. Years later, they wake up and realize everything about their life has gone wrong, but now they’re stuck with children to consider, people they could destroy and the passing years working against them. All because of one wrong move at one right time.

  “I’m not marrying anyone,” Nicole insisted, moving back to her desk.

  “It’s highly possible Stella Graves warped Devon’s words the same way she warped your visits to bridal stores. She got you wrong, she probably got him wrong, too,” Eve assured.

  Nicole’s intercom buzzed, and she pressed the button for the line.

  “Nicole, Devon Bradshaw’s here to see you.”

  She eyed Eve and Penny with a look that said she’d soon find out.

  “Let him through, thanks. He knows the way to my office.”

  Eve ushered Penny out and before she followed, paused briefly to add, “Be nice. Ask questions. Don’t draw assumptions.”

  Nicole simply frowned then began pacing her office until she heard the voice behind her.

  “Hey, beautiful.”

  She turned on her heels, her arms folded tightly across her chest. “We need to talk.”

  He quirked a brow. “Let me guess—Stella Graves.”

  “So you saw it.”

  Stepping into the office, he closed the door behind him. “No, but I heard. That’s why I’m here. I figured it being a TV station someone might have taped it.”

  Nicole stepped over to the television, rewound the tape and after pressing a couple buttons, the black screen filled with Stella Graves’ eager smile. Next to her were photos of both Nicole and Devon, displayed on screen as if they were the latest hot item since Bennifer and Brangelina. Nicole recognized her photo as one taken when she and the group were introduced at a press conference as winners of Lot‘O’Bucks.

  In the brief segment, Stella speculated that the budding relationship—which started with the bachelor auction three weeks ago—had turned serious and that these two wealthy socialites might be heading for a merger.

  “Socialites?” Devon repeated, obviously surprised they’d been propelled up to the ranks of Atlanta’s elite.

  But Nicole could care less about that. For over a month, all the members of the lottery group had been the subject of headlines. She’d become used to it. It was Devon’s proclamations of something serious that struck the tightest nerve. According to Stella, he hadn’t been shy about telling friends and family marriage was in his future, and when Stella quoted him in the segment, Nicole pointed to the screen.

  “I’m the one?”

  Devon shrugged. “I might have said something along those lines to one or two friends.”

  “How could you?”

  He held up his hands. “Whoa, now wait a minute. You’re the one trying on bridal gowns. I simply said you were marriage material.”

  “Marriage material?”

  “What’s wrong with that?”

  “Well, for one thing, it’s on the news!”

  He casually rubbed his chin. “Yeah, my guess is Tom Watts. He’s a golfing buddy and his wife’s got a big mouth. She happens to know Stella, too.”

  “How could you tell your golfing buddies we’re getting married?!”

  Picking up on her distress, he crossed his arms over his chest in defense. “I didn’t tell my golfing buddies we’re getting married. I mean, not in the sense that we’re getting married now. I can only guess that little stretch came from your recent bridal shopping spree.”

  She clamped her hands to her hips, her heart beating faster with every word he uttered. “I didn’t go on a bridal shopping spree! I mean—I did—but not for me. It’s for the show. That’s what I do, you know.”

  “And, there you have it. She took a stupid off-handed comment by me and put it together with your job and made up a story. Mystery solved.”

  “How can you be so casual about this?”

  “Why are you making such a big deal out of it? She’s a silly gossip reporter. Everyone knows she makes up half of what she says.”

  “I can’t believe you could go around town blabbing to people about our relationship.”

  Devon frowned. “Well excuse me. I’m not used to being involved with a celebrity.” Pointing a finger, he added, “You’re the one they’re interested in here.”

  She dropped her jaw. “Are you saying this is all my fault?”

  “Hell, we certainly aren’t on the news because of me.”

  “Ha!” she squeaked. “This can’t be happening.”

  As she stood there agape, Devon moved next to her and slipped a hand around her waist.

  “Hon, look, I’m just asking you to cut me some slack. I’m not used to being in the spotlight. I said a couple wrong things to the wrong people. It won’t happen again.” Pulling her close, he bent and murmured into her ear. “And if you stop by my place tonight, I’d be happy to make it up to you.”

  He palmed her ass and pressed his waist against hers in a move that turned him hard and her mushy all in one shot. His lips went to work on the tender skin below her ear, his warm breath heated her blood, he brushed a thumb against her nipple and clasped her breast, all of it working together to send a whirlpool of sensation straight to places it shouldn’t.

  Damn, the man had moves. She was supposed to be angry. They were in her office, no less! But in one swift motion, he’d managed to erase her thoughts and numb her brain to the point where, if pressed, she couldn’t recall a word of what they’d been talking about.

  “I’ve missed you,” he whispered under her chin. “It’s been two whole days since I’ve been inside you.”

  She gulped and wrapped an arm around his waist to stay focused, and when he slid a hand between her thighs, her sex pulsed in response.

  “You’re naughty,” she said through a sigh. “We’re in my office.”

  “And oh, what I’d love to do with you splayed across your desk.”

  He bent and pressed his erecti
on against her most sensitive spot, and she actually wondered if they’d be able to pull off sex in her office…during business hours…given the lock on her door didn’t work.

  “You’re a bad, bad boy,” she said.

  His light chuckle feathered against her neck and she rolled her head back, her muscles no longer able to support the weight.

  “Do you think we could do it here?” she whispered.

  “With you, I could do it anywhere.”

  “Someone might come.”

  “I certainly hope we both do.”

  She smiled and giggled over the joke, and be damned if she wasn’t actually considering tossing off her slacks right there in the station.

  Until she heard a light rap on the door.

  “Nicole?”

  They both jumped and straightened, and while they ran a quick clothing check, Nicole shakily called out, “Just a minute.”

  She found herself in order, but unfortunately Devon’s loose wool pants did nothing to restrain one very stiff cock.

  “Make that two minutes,” he said softly, moving around and taking a quick seat behind her desk.

  Penny called through the door, “I just wanted to tell you your eleven o’clock appointment is here.”

  Damn. She forgot all about her meeting…and her job…and what the heck Devon had come here for in the first place. It was all a low buzz, but in her confusion she managed to say, “I’ll be right there.”

  Devon handed her a folder that had the meeting time posted on a bright green sticky note attached. “Do you need this?”

  “Thanks,” she said, brushing a hand down her blouse and then smoothing her slacks.

  “My place? Tonight?” he asked.

  “Oh, yeah.”

  10

  “HOW DOES CHINESE SOUND?”

  “Like the perfect after-sex meal,” Nicole said. Stretched out next to Devon, she rested her head on his shoulder while she toyed with the hairs on his chest, a tossing of blankets spread loosely over them. “You’ve left me with an appetite.”

  He caressed a hand over her shoulder. “Well, after seeing you in your office this morning, I could never quite shake the tent from my pants. It made for a rather uncomfortable afternoon.”

  She lifted the blanket, glanced between his legs and teased, “We fixed that.”

  “Momentarily.”

  At least they fixed one thing, she thought, though they still had the issue of Stella’s segment to discuss. Nicole knew Devon probably considered the matter closed, but all afternoon she’d been bothered by the things he’d said to his friends, this idea she was marriage material, their relationship getting serious. On more than one occasion, she’d seen the signs and had even felt that certain tug herself, which was all the more reason they needed to clear the air about where this relationship was going. Or not going, to be more precise.

  “So, Devon,” she started, pausing to make sure she formed the right words. “This whole thing about me being the one… that’s mere talk, right? I mean, you aren’t really serious about that.”

  He quirked a brow. “Would it bother you if I was?”

  The relaxation their lovemaking had provided gave way to sudden tension. “In a sense, yes. I’m not in the right frame of mind for anything serious.”

  She lifted off his shoulder and propped up on one elbow to get a better view of his expression and succumbing to her sudden need to put some physical distance between them.

  “Because of the adoption,” he said.

  “I thought you understood.”

  He sat up, his face clearly stating he didn’t. “I understand you’re struggling right now, I just don’t get what that has to do with us.” Scooting up farther, he leaned against the headboard, apparently readying himself for the conversation Nicole now realized they should have had before this.

  “Nicole, you’re confused, and I don’t blame you for it. I would be, too.”

  “Then you see why this whole thing between us needs to stay casual.”

  Instead of answering, he sat and stared, prompting her to slip off the bed and gather her clothes.

  “Devon,” she said, pulling on her slacks and reaching for her bra. “I didn’t come here to fall in love and get engaged, I came here to figure out who I am.”

  “So why haven’t you done that?”

  “Because I haven’t had time.”

  “What have you done to find your birth parents?”

  “I told you, I haven’t had time.”

  “I think you have, you’re just choosing not to.”

  Her annoyance brimmed and she moved more quickly to pull on her clothes and get dressed. “You’re changing the subject. This is about us, not my adoption.”

  Rolling out of bed, Devon grabbed a pair of sweats off a chair and pulled them on. “No, this is about us and your adoption. I’m not stupid, Nicole. It’s that I disagree.”

  “Disagree with what?”

  “This notion you’ve got to figure this out on your own.” He stood and stared as she slipped her top over her head. “There’s nothing to figure out,” he said. “This adoption didn’t change who you are and I think you know that. You’re only angry because your family lied to you. In an unconscious way, you want to punish them so you moved away under the guise of finding your birth parents. But your own spite leaves you uncomfortable. You don’t want to be angry so you’ve convinced yourself you’re here to sort things out. Problem is that’s not really what you want and now that you’ve done all this you’re sitting here in limbo trying to plan your next move.”

  She scoffed. “What are you, a psychiatrist?”

  “No. I’m the first objective person you’ve confided in and I can read you like a book. It’s one of the many reasons I’m certain we belong together. You’ve got no choice but to be real with me.”

  She stepped across the room and slipped into her shoes, absently searching the room for any clothing items she might have missed while she tried to collect her thoughts. This wasn’t at all what she’d expected. She’d planned to simply clear the air and come to an agreement that this thing between them needed to stay casual.

  She hadn’t expected a psych session or professions that they were fated to be together.

  “I am being real, and right now, I really need my space,” she insisted.

  “If you needed your space, you wouldn’t be showing up at my place every other night after work.”

  “That’s not fair.”

  “No, what’s not fair is that you aren’t considering anything I’m saying.” He moved up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders and her body both cringed and relaxed all in one mixture of confusion. “You know exactly who you are. This adoption didn’t change that, and neither has moving to Atlanta. You’re the funny, beautiful, smart woman I’m falling in love with.”

  The comment dropped her throat to her stomach and she turned around, still in his arms.

  “In love with?”

  “Nicole, I’m crazy about you. And I know you’re confused and hurt but I also know that together we can get past this.”

  She wriggled out from under him and stepped away, shaking her head as she tried to absorb his words. “Love is way too big a word for what we have.”

  “Not when it comes to my feelings for you.”

  A headache began brewing between her temples. This conversation was barreling in the wrong direction with the force of a high-speed train and she needed to stop it.

  “I know what you need, Nicole. You need to stop trying to deal with this on your own.”

  “I had plenty of help back in California.”

  “With family too close to the situation and too invested in how you felt about all this.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “Admit you’re angry with them.”

  “I’m angry with everything, including this conversation.” Pressing her fingers to the bridge of her nose, she added, “If you know me so well, you’ll understand why I can’t even consider getting involved
with you or anyone else right now.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I’m too vulnerable, that’s why.”

  “You aren’t the least bit vulnerable. You’re the strongest woman I know. You’re just confused, there’s a big difference.”

  “Fine, I’m confused, and having you talk about love isn’t helping.”

  He bowed his head and sighed. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I hadn’t expected to have this conversation today and I take full responsibility for the rumors Stella started this morning.” Meeting her gaze, he added, “But it doesn’t change my feelings. We have something special that I think we should explore.”

  “What I need to explore is myself, not us.”

  “And I can help you, if you’d let me.”

  These were the same words she’d heard from her parents, her friends and her brother. They’d all gathered around and smothered her with their good intentions, trying to tell her how she should feel, what kind of opinion she should have and how to go on with her life. But not one of them could put themselves in her shoes any more than Devon could right now.

  “I don’t need help, I need distance. I need everyone to stop telling me who I’m supposed to be and how I’m supposed to feel, and instead, leave me alone.”

  She didn’t mean to snap off so sharply, and the moment the words came out of her mouth she regretted the tone. But she didn’t regret the content. Devon was right. She’d been using him as another distraction, showing up at his apartment after work because going home left her alone with her thoughts. And though being alone with her thoughts was uncomfortable, it was time for her to suck it up and deal with it the way she’d wanted. The way she’d intended.

  “You need to let the people who care about you help.”

  “The people who care about me only want to protect what they want. My parents don’t want to lose their daughter, my brother doesn’t want to lose his sister, my friends don’t want to lose the Nicole they’ve always known.”

  “Do you want to lose them?”

  “They were never mine to keep.”

  “That’s the spite talking. I don’t think that’s how you feel.”

  She looked into his eyes, her own welling with tears. “That’s the problem. I don’t know how I feel. And until I sort this out on my own, I’ll never truly trust that my feelings are my own and not someone else’s.”